I wish to share my story with you, something that I have never done before, since I have always been a very private person. I am of Philippine descent, my family immigrated to the United States when I was 17 years old. Our family consists of cultural and familial values that dictate the women of the household are only the homemakers. Education was a focus that created excitement in my heart as I enjoyed Elementary and High School. Although it was challenging with English as my third language, I speak multiple dialects of Tagalog and Visayan. Albeit difficult, I found so much fulfillment in the education process.
Arriving in a new country, I feared speaking English and communicating with anyone was difficult, since I was shy and did not want to talk to others. Speaking in front of others was solely meant for inside of the family unit, so my ability to connect with others was very scary for me. I was apprehensive speaking my mind in an intellectual manner. The feeling of inadequacy riddled my soul with trepidation, as I could not see myself holding a proper conversation with an English-speaking person.
Embracing motherhood, my two sons, my grandson, and perhaps future little ones has given me great joy that fills my heart with so much love and meaningful relationships, Despite my incarceration, my close—knit family is something I cherish. Through video calls, phone calls, messaging, and in person visits, our love for each other has been the glue that holds us together, This modern technology has enabled me to preserve my familial unity.
Currently, I am taking classes that have furthered my education. I strongly believe that it will help attain my first educational goal, which is to earn my Associates Degree. I did not expect to ever be a college student, especially in prison. However, seeing others going to college inspired me to continue my education. Going back to school and taking correspondence courses helps my mind to be active and not stagnant. in this type of environment, I focus on what the possibilities for myself are, along with other like—minded people as I assist others on their journey.
As my intellectual awareness grows, I have adopted a motto; education is the pathway to freedom. In my physical circumstance, I am not confined. My mind is empowered with limitless possibilities. I am free to think and imagine other opportunities in the realm of education, as it is my escape to open my mind.
My imagination runs wild as I wander freely to places I have never been to or experienced. It makes me think of ways to expand my knowledge. Seeing the women here going to college uplifts my spirits. This makes think that if they can do it, so can I. I see each one as a productive member of society upon release. I consider education as a channel of communication and expression of the best version of myself. It is a connection to a ladder of success, upon which I willfully climb, and I would like to see my fellow sisters at the top with me. It gives me a different perspective as a college student in this setting, and helps me cope as it transports me to a place where I am free.
I have many things that I wish that I could do, however, my status at the moment limits me physically, but not mentally. My hobbies vary from time to time. I enjoy reading, playing games on my tablet, dancing, listening to music, especially Christian music, and crochet, which is a skill I have learned while incarcerated. I am a member of the Gifted Hands Project, where outside sponsors donate the materials for making blankets and booties for those in need. These finished products are then delivered to worthwhile local charities. The act of giving and doing something, without an expectation of anything in return, for someone that I do not know, is very rewarding to me. It fills my heart with joy to help my community.
My desire to change my life is my constant focus. It reminds me that life is short. As one sentenced to Life Without Parole, this has not been an obstacle that deters I have enrolled and participated in self—help groups, which deep down in my spirit I know have aided my personal growth. I have learned so much about myself. I finally know and understand that I was living by others’ expectations of me. I no longer live in denial, as I accept myself as I truly am. I am able to forgive myself as well, which is the hardest part for of being aware of how much my life has changed.
By examining my past decisions, I have come face to face with the relationship between the choices I have made and the life that I now live. Looking within myself has had a great influence on me to make the positive changes in my life. The values and beliefs that I hold now guide and motivate my attitude and actions. In doing so, critical thinking is crucial, I now have the ability to think in an organized and rational manner. I recognize that everything that I say and do should be in harmony with my goals.
The best time to take action is today…being accountable for, my actions and plans gives the capacity to learn and grow from my past mistakes, behaviors, and actions. I am taking action by going back to school and learning how to incorporate modern technology, such as utilizing a laptop computer for classwork submissions. I am committed to educating myself, to contribute to society in measurable ways, and to build a strong support network. This plan will help me to redeem some of the bad decisions of my careless youth, and help me reconcile with society. This concept of awareness helps me to become mindful, to develop views for success, and to grasp the opportunities I have for growth. I am attentive of how my actions and behavior affects vision for success. Awareness is to know and learn how I feel. I examine myself, and how my actions can influence myself and others in a positive way. I do my best to not let negativity get me down. I now have laser focus, and I am determined to keep going until I accomplish my goal of getting Associates Degree in Sociology.
I remain open and receptive to changes and opportunities that will be available to me upon my release. May those who read this, see the beauty manifested within my heart, infusing hope for those who are hopeless, and join rre on my journey to a new horizon.
