As a Fresno State student in the Criminology: Juvenile Delinquency class, we held numerous discussions wherein students shared their experiences of the abuses they had suffered. When I learned of the torments that they had endured, the things said and done to them, I was in awe of the tenacity that it took for them to not only survive, but to then find a way to thrive despite the abuse. I took their words both written and shared orally, to compose this poem. Abuse affects all genders, races, and generations as it is passed down through emotional and physical toxicity. It is a champion who can overcome the tests in order to become triumphant. “T—N—T” was written for ANYONE who has suffered any type of abuse and is still alive to dream of a new future.
T—N—T (Tested Now Triumphant)
Tangled, mangled, deranged looking pile of mess in your head.
Told you are a pig in the mud, a dog in heat, get out of my bed.
Through the tangled mess and the muck and the mire.
Trying to make them happy is your desperate desire.
Threats to your children and extended family, they will be harmed.
Taking seriously each word shot with spittle, no longer are you charmed.
Talented, good looks, charismatic, financial stability.
Trying to focus on this instead of the hostility.
Temptress with a scarlet letter “A” blasted across her chest,
Testing her stamina to show that she can be their very best.
Tousled hair matted with blood from the evenings wrestling matches.
Tabulations of worthiness marked on her face with undeserving scratches.
Trying on the mask of kindness to hide the hate.
To attempt to see the value of oneself as not second rate.
Tables overturned with precious homemade meals splatted on the floor.
The children scream and cry as they scratch arid claw at the slammed door.
Tests failed as they leave in haste.
Tortured soul laying in waste.
Try to dry those eyes that suffer from the inside out.
Tear-stained cheeks, don’t you dare let them see you pout.
Trepidation builds with each lingering day let in this living hell.
Total recognition that one day soon you and only you can break the spell.
Tumbleweed dryness thorns in your heart.
Tests if you have a pulse after you part.
To see the real value within your damaged soul.
Trying to leave and start again is your goal.
This person will not be thought of as throwing pearls to swine.
The very swiftness of a safe exit will soon be the design.
Taking your heart to pump warm blood into your being.
Total relief for freedom is what you are seeing.
Testing the boundaries laid by the abused to get out while still alive.
Theories in motion with new found goals, for this you voraciously strive.
Tangible moments chosen for the future days.
Tender self-love, your soul will surely praise.
Tenacity with proactive venues to enhance light in the dark.
Thankful for the freedom you sought as you make your mark.
Traces of the past finding ways to send a chill.
Tenuous steadfast grid iron strong will.
Threshold breaking open your heart of stone.
Trusting the balance of being whole and alone.
Thriving within this new found self-worth as you dream and soar.
Terrific visions as a powerful lioness, come on and let’s hear you roar.
T— N —T was written especially just for you withing the depths of my heart.
Tested — Now — Triumphant for the freshly educated and exciting new start.
Time has a way of healing all of your many scars.
Thankful to have blessings beyond the countless stars.
Trust and believe your deepest dreams can come true.
Thundering within my heart as it roars, I believe in YOU!
The Last Word
Recently after witnessing the spreading violence of I.C.E. agents on T.V. it raised so many questions of where this nation is heading? And inspired the following.
Where is the law and order?
Who is it that decides who crosses the border?
Lines drawn by mankind who claims, “this is mine.”
Devouring dreams, creating chaos — isn’t this a crime?
Who decides where the pendulum swings?
Who sounds the Freedom Bell as it rings?
Stolen land, people, dreams and division.
Fairness as a social mythical illusion.
False promises, hope destroyed causing confusion.
Which race, color, or ethnicity is perceived right?
Blended together, the differences fade from sight.
Look far off in the distance, a shape is emerging.
Humans of all types — their visions and dreams converging.
The order at the border is mine through chaotic crime as justice swings, freedom rings with division and decision there’s illusion and confusion right in sight emerging with human converging…
