For years I have heard people lament that Davis has priced many young families out of this community. And those critics are not altogether wrong. As I watch my friends, in similar situations to us, buy their own homes, it is a stark reminder that in a sense my family has made the sacrifice to live in this community.
We have done so for two reasons. First, the schools – and for all that we might criticize our schools, watching the improvement in my nephew’s recent STAR Test results drives home that we made the right decision there. The second is that I have lived in an urban environment before – whether it be Washington, DC, or Sacramento, and while I don’t have a particular problem living in a big city, I realized that I much prefer the atmosphere and pace of a smaller college town.
But I must say that this week has given me some pause. As I wrote earlier this week, the discussion on Mission Residence and the degree to which we were looking for ways to ensure that college students do not live in a neighborhood next to the college was appalling.
It has been said on this site that, without the university, we would be like Dixon. And while I have nothing against Dixon per se, I saw Dixon this week, and don’t believe I want to live there either. No offense, Mr. Shor.
The worst part of that meeting, however, I have thus far only shared on Facebook. This story gets very personal and I will admit up front that I made one mistake – there was one action I regret and I will point it out when I get there.
The story begins with my three-and-a-half-year-old daughter. Those who know me, know that we are very close. The Vanguard has become a very time-consuming endeavor, but I make a concerted effort to be an active part of my daughter’s, and my family’s, life.
My daughter wanted to go with me to work on Tuesday, but I had to go to the courthouse to cover a trial, and that would have been an inappropriate trial to bring a small child to. But I told her that she could come with me for a while at the city council meeting.
Usually, the way we do it is that she comes with me for an hour or so, and after the consent calendar, my wife picks her up and takes her home.
But this night was a bit different. My wife and our dear friend Gay Powers had put a resolution to the city council that reinforced the city’s support for the legal right to same-sex marriages. I bring this up to explain that my wife came down to council with all three kids to wait for council approval.
Our nearly two-year-old (he’ll be two on Tuesday, as his brother turns 10), is a bit of a handful and he was running around a bit. Someone complained (the first time ever that has happened), so I tried to hold him in my lap until the consent item came on. When she recognized that this was a problem, Gay went up during public comment to say a word.
As she was finishing, the two-year-old broke free and yelled loudly. I grabbed him and headed out to the hallway. Apparently, the gentleman who complained originally made a very rude and derogatory remark to my wife.
Here is where I made the error – I should have let it go, but I was very angry. I was angry because the kids came down to see our friend speak and, instead, had to be ushered outside because someone who was there for a completely different item complained. And I was angry at the treatment my wife received.
I should have let it go, but instead I confronted him and, in the course of explaining why the kids were there and why I was upset at him, I used some colorful language (or four-letter words, whichever you prefer).
My daughter had picked out special clothes to wear that night and now was going to have to go home along with the rest of the kids.
The comical part of it all was that the person then complained to the police about me. Fortunately, I had broken no laws, the police officer knew me well, and we had a bit of a laugh over the whole thing.
Again, not my best move, but messing with someone’s wife and kids is not the recipe for happy engagements.
You would figure that the story would end there, but later that night I found myself tired and out of money for soda, and asked my wife if she would bring some down. So, of course the kids brought me the soda and my daughter wanted to stay.
The crowd had thinned, the man who confronted me originally was gone, so I figured, what the heck, I’d just keep her with me and take her home after the Mission Residence item. No one had ever complained before.
She was pretty good, she mainly stayed around me, playing happily. I asked the people around me if they were okay with it and they smiled and said she’s being good.
At the break, though, this lady sitting in the far back told me that she was adorable, but that she found her to be very distracting. I apologized and said this was the only time I had been able to spend time with her.
I said we’d be leaving as soon as the item was over, but that I needed to finish covering the item. She and her friend then expressed concern about how healthy it was to have a child out that late (it was 10 pm, not ideal) and one of them suggested she might call CPS.
I learned my lesson and simply walked away and went to talk to a few of the councilmembers, concerned that some lady was threatening to call CPS. My daughter might be three and a half, but she knows what is going on.
She became very upset and referred to the mean lady in white (she had very white hair), and wanted to know why the lady didn’t like her and wanted to understand what she did wrong.
One of the ladies would complain to the council and say, “It is very inappropriate to have young children at these meetings and I hope you will address this, as well as his behavior, with Mr. Greenwald.”
The truth is, my only regret is how I approached the first person. I am not going to apologize for bringing my kids to the meeting. My daughter has been going to the meetings since she was only a few days old. The mayor has allowed our older nephew to hit the gavel to start the meetings.
This is their community. We have a community chambers and children should have the right to be there, as long as they are not screaming at the top of their lungs (and when the younger one did I got him out of there).
I think the council agrees. Dan Wolk has asked to prepare a resolution that will make it clear that children are welcome at council meetings.
As Rochelle Swanson would post on Facebook, “Council sits in ‘Community Chambers.’ Not ‘council’ not ‘board.’ Community is all of us, no matter how young or how old.”
Sheila Allen, a school board member said, “I love it when there are kids in the community chambers. I would love to see a room full of them. They give joy, purpose and a reminder of how our decisions will affect the future (them).”
The community support has been great. But for my daughter, it has been a bit traumatic. She wouldn’t let me out of her sight for much of the rest of the week. I took her with me to work on Wednesday. Last night we watched The Jazz Singer together.
The idea came forward of a protest. The best protest of them all: pack the chamber with beautiful and adorable children to remind us that the decisions we make will affect the next generation.
So, on September 10 at 6:30 pm, come down to the Community Chambers with your kids and, if you don’t have kids, borrow someone else’s.
—David M. Greenwald reporting
“She and her friend then expressed concern about how healthy it was to have a child out that late (it was 10 pm, not ideal) and one of them suggested she might call CPS.”
Helicopter parents should limit their helicopter parenting to their own kids. I’ll put September 10th on my calendar.
“Dan Wolk has asked to prepare a resolution that will make it clear that children are welcome at council meetings.”
Its great to allow young people to participate in civic life. Perhaps the council will also get around to annexing West Village and other university housing facilities to extend and encourage that participation by young people to where it actually counts, the ballot box.
Mr. Toad: suggest you talk to Supervisor Saylor. I have heard he is the biggest barrier to that.
I’ve seen some pretty bad behavior at council meetings, the few that I’ve attended. But it wasn’t the kids.
How do we know who is for and who is opposed if the council doesn’t press the issue.
David: What time?
6:30
Toad: I don’t disagree.
Well, David there is distraction and then there is distraction. I remember going to the Board of Supervisors years ago about the Biolab and one of the protester’s kids was there and quite distracting; I found it hard to follow the procedings. Maybe sitting in back would be better. I am not disagreeing with your comments, but can also see the other side….
Well, we’ve heard one side of the story. It would be interesting and fair to hear the other side.
Fair enough Growth Izzue. Do you think that the person who filed the complaint would be willing to provide us with that other side? If so, that would be a great addition to this dialogue.
I see both side of the “bringing kids to adult functions” debate. After having had and raised my kids, I find myself sometimes losing patience when exposed to other’s kids that are out of control to the point of being a big distraction. It depends on the event. The way I perceive the conflict is… the people with kids taking a position that their wants for involving their children are superior to the wants of others to not be distracted by those kids. But, when the event is one where kids are typically invited, I give the nod to the parents. When the event is largely adult-focused, I give the nod to the people desiring there are no kid-related distractions.
But, my larger perspective on this topic is one where I mentally control my irritations by reminding myself of the societal value of involved parents and their loved and doted-upon children. I know the sacrifices that parents make to raise well-adjusted children. It means less money, less time, less sleep, less order… basically it looks a lot like a train wreck from those latte and cocktail-siping, fashion and image-conscious childless folk. And the latter I have as much respect for as the level of their material consumption-based contribution to the economy. The former deserves much more respect and latitude for being good parents.
It is interesting to me that in this most liberal and educated little city in the world… the one that will probably come out in large numbers to support the female presidential candidate that famously said that “it takes a village” to raise children, seems to be growing grumpier and less tolerant of children in general. Maybe the real vision battle for Davis is one were we become a haven for tiered and grumpy retirees or a place where families and their children feel welcome.
Matt
[quote]Fair enough Growth Izzue. Do you think that the person who filed the complaint would be willing to provide us with that other side? If so, that would be a great addition to this dialogue. [/quote]
There were two separate incidences where people complained, if either happen to read the Vanguard it would be great to hear your side of what happened that night.
David: Just let it ride. If you are a parent, no explanation is necessary, and if you aren’t a parent, no explanation is possible. When the issue is “irrelevant, irreverent, or inconsequential”, many residents of Davis feel obligated to focus on it like a laser!
Let’s not hold our breath, Matt and Growth Izzue. Anyone who reads the Vanguard would know David’s schedule, purpose, etc., and would be more understanding.
Interesting to read your mea culpa and your highly personal report on your miserable late evening. You’ll learn that biting your tongue gets even more difficult as your kids get older and more likely to raise reactions from other small-minded people.
I was with you all the way. But, I see no need for Dan Wolk’s patronizing, kiss-up resolution any more that I’d approve of the one the council passed to get the Japanese interned. Let’s not get all caught up in the moment.
I’m not so enamored with a public demonstration unless you schedule it for 10:30 p.m. and stop at YoloBerry first–in order to make the proper point and to pay the kids something for their trouble.
If you want some volunteers to go beat the crap out of a couple of white-haired, old women, however, I’m all in.
When I first heard of the negative reaction, two of my own experiences came to mind.
In the town of 2000 in which I was raised, children were welcomed at City Council meetings and were actually encouraged to state their opinion at public comment once of an age to do so, usually around elementary school age. This had the effect of promoting our actually thinking about the questions being asked at a level appropriate to our degree of reasoning and encouraging us to think in terms of our community as something of importance beyond just our immediate personal desires. I fully welcome children at City Council meetings and trust the judgement of parents to remove a child whose behavior is truly loud or disruptive as it would appear David did.
My second story is much more personal and the memory is vivid after 24 years. When my daughter was about three months old, my husband and I wanted to go out to eat. This was during my residency when I worked 90 hour weeks. We had the opportunity on my weekend off, but no family help or available babysitter. We took her with us. She made no noise at all but did awaken hungry. I started breast feeding, completely covered under a shawl I had taken for this purpose. A woman, probably in her late 30’s or early 40’s at a nearby table began glaring and make totally rude comments about the inappropriateness of my behavior to her companions.
This was by the way, at a family restaurant with other children there, not some exclusive 5 star establishment.
Children are part of our lives, not something to be hidden away and taken out at arbitrarily defined appropriate moments. Once we have brought them here, we have an obligation to share our lives, interests, habits and activities with them especially when there is a special time of family celebration as was this event. Good for Rochelle for recognizing this in such an open and thoughtful manner.
As Rochelle pointed out:
“Council sits in ‘Community Chambers.’ Not ‘council’ not ‘board.’ Community is all of us, no matter how young or how old.”
And, children always are welcome.
What I don’t get is David said it hasn’t been a problem and only a few people complained but at the same time the council totally backed having children at the council meetings so why the protest on Sept. 10?
Simple answer Growth to that question – it was a rough day and people in supporting me after that rough day made the suggestion and the idea caught some fire.