It was about 9:30 PM, on the 4th of July, when I decided to look outside my cell window. Just beyond the tree line in the distance was the brilliant display of dancing sparks and light, illuminating the night’s sky like cascading waterfalls of colorful fireflies. Fireworks! It was a sight I have been deprived of for close to three decades now, being a condemned man. It made me long for the days when I was a kid, and the 4th of July was a day spent with my family, celebrating with a barbeque and fireworks of our own.
When I transferred from San Quentin to CSP Sacramento in March of this year, many things became new to me. One of the first new things that I’ve begun to appreciate is that the cell I now reside in has a clean and unobscured window. Granted, I miss the obscured ocean view that I once had in the East Block Condemned Unit at San Quentin. However, the new view and its crispness and clarity offer much more than just hazy views of the San Rafael Bridge and sunlight glimmering off tiny ripples from waves through a dirty window. It is an altogether new view—one of appreciation.
It must have been the finale of a local fireworks show, or maybe an unsanctioned one, but either way, it was brilliant. It took my mind off my problems as I looked out at the glittering sky and took me back to my days of freedom for however long the moment lasted. I miss the days when I had my own independence, free from the daily restraints, humiliation, and degradation of prison life. I never truly appreciated the symbolism of the fireworks when I was out in the free world. But in that moment, it was truly felt. I was grateful for it. And I was unaware of just how much I had missed it all until I got to catch a glimpse of it from my little window.
Being free, there is so much that we take for granted each and every day, even the smallest of moments. We should never take something like our freedom and our independence for granted on any given day. We should be appreciative and be mindful of just how lucky we are, not just for the big moments in our lives but for the littlest ones as well.
I don’t know how long I will have the opportunity to enjoy the new sights that I am now afforded through my new cell’s window. But as long as I am granted this, I plan to be grateful and appreciative of it. Just as those fireworks dancing across a night’s sky symbolize the nation’s independence, those same fireworks grant me my own moment of independence that I am no longer deprived of. An independence that I will surely be a lot more mindful of and ever grateful for.
