By Holly Davidson
Spinning around and around
I’m spiraling fast into the ground
Landing hard
With no restraint,
Broken
Peeling
Another fresh coat of paint.
Stumbling
Falling
Tripping
Stalling
In then out Chin to chest
This is when I dream my best.
Swimming through an endless maze
In an ocean in a haze
The sun is setting, way too bright
Close my eyes, give up the fight
Drifting now on a cloud
The sound of life is way too loud.
I’m drowning now in this disease
And for my prayers I have no knees.
Voices in my head I hear
Closer to the sun I near
Voices that say to me
Give up that with us to be.
Voices loud inside my head
In the light I think I’m dead.
No sound now except the beep.
Constant in my ear,
Beep
Beep
Beep
Rooms of white tubes down my throat
A man wearing a long white coat
Fingers on my clammy skin,
“Does she have a next of kin?”
I try to speak but have no voice
I want to but I have no choice.
Background beeps turn into one
And somehow I know I am done.
I float up and I see myself
As they place me on a metal shelf.
Fast forward now and I am in a casket
And there are my children walking past it
Tears falling like a rainy day
My grandma steps to the front to say.
“She was lost this little girl,
And way too precious for this world.
Consumed she was by her hurt
And now we lay her in the dirt
Loved she was this beautiful child
Though she did not see this all the while.
She thought she needed to be loved
But loved to her was being drugged.
Way too soon she leaves us
With little boys yet to grow up
But loved she will be in heaven now
For god has he up in the clouds.”
My grandma drops down to her knees,
“I’m unable to continue please.
This little angel it’s too soon for her to go
How is it we did not know?
Why is it she chose this way?
Why is it she leaves today?
I fast forward now to heavens gates
Where angels sit and god awaits.
“My child” he says with a tear in his eye
“How is it you failed to try?
Life I give to all my children
All I ask is that you live without sin
And even still I will forgive
If you choose your soul to give
But, instead you walked away
And did not return until this day.
My child, I’m sorry but you will not rest.
For heaven is for those who gave their best
Good bye now my sweet lost child,
You must go now to the fires”
Fast forward now and I’m spiraling down
No longer stopping at the ground.
Through the dirt
Through the rock
Into hell where the devils all mock
This is what you chose
When you took drugs up your nose
This is where you can live in sin
With a needle buried in your skin
This is where you will never rest
Even with your chin to chest.”
The fire burned it melted me
It took my eyes I can no longer see
Can no longer feel
REALIZE now that this can be real.
Rewind my mind please turn back time
Rewind my death give me back my life
Give me one more chance to choose
For now I know I have too much to lose.
Before I thought it all was lost
But I see now what it will cost.
Wipe away my children’s tears
Let me be there through their years.
Lift my grandma from her knees
Hear my words I’m begging please.
Lift my chin up off my chest.
I want to live my life the rest.
No more in, please take it out.
I no longer like what this dream is about.
