Though most indicators of violent crime in California have recently trended downward, intimate partner violence is on the rise, particularly crimes against women. At Valley State Prison (VSP), Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s (D-NY) speech made in response to Representative Ted Yoho’s (R-FL) derogatory comments toward her nearly four years ago is used as a teaching tool to deconstruct anger, aggression and domestic violence triggers in men in order to help them identify how their attitudes and language can interrupt the cycle of violence against women. Poetry is being situated at the intersection of mindfulness, emotional intelligence and empathy.
After Representative Yoho accosted AOC on the steps of the Capitol building as she prepared to cast her vote for a piece of legislation, he infamously stuck his finger in her face and called her “disgusting,” “crazy,” “out of [her] mind,” “dangerous” and “rude.” After she cast her vote, AOC exited the building and as she walked in front of reporters, Yoho pursued the congresswoman again and called her a “f–king bi–h.” The next day, knowing he’d been observed by members of the press, Yoho addressed the incident in a speech he gave on the House floor—without apologizing. The day after that, AOC gave a speech of her own on the House floor, deriding Yoho for dehumanizing her.
What happened over the course of those three days has proven to be instructive for incarcerated men at VSP working in peer-facilitated workshop groups to address impulse control, aggression and controlling behavior. “This is the superpower of the creative arts,” says Benjamin Frandsen, the executive director of the nonprofit Ben Free Project organization that sponsors the Barz Behind Bars (B3) poetry workshop curriculum that harnesses AOC’s experience. “Poetry invites engagement.”
Just as violence is learned, so too are the words men use to project power and dominance over women and any circumstance that threatens one’s sense of control. In the cognitive behavioral intervention role play scenarios set up by resident facilitators of the B3 Creative Writing Spoken Word Performance Art Workshop at VSP, participants are asked to assume the roles of AOC and her antagonizer Yoho. In prison, calling someone a “bi–h” is as bad as calling someone a “rat” —the offensive power of these words is palpable; however, navigating the nuance of how someone’s use of a word can trigger a person into anger and perhaps aggression, is another level of insight that reveals how men give up their power to be in control of themselves when they allow themselves to become triggered by mere words.
Anger is weakness.
Interrogating the use of the word “bi–h” by a man against a woman also reveals a more necessary understanding that needs to be pursued by incarcerated men who impulsively act violently and project that violence against their intimate partners when moved into anger. The objective is twofold: first, demonstrate how anger is a secondary emotion and represents a poor coping mechanism men resort to when they don’t get their way or have their needs met; and secondly, teach that self-control, mindfulness and being centered requires one to become unoffendable—full stop.
For men who have been raised in violent homes, indoctrinated by gang culture or traumatized by violence themselves, they’ve imprinted on violent role models and likely observed often how being loud, aggressive, threatening and violent can be effective in getting them what they want in certain circumstances. B3 takes them back to their childhood scenarios and points out that the anger projected by a parent causes fear in a child and in adult situations, anger represents the loss of self-control. Adult aggression is a learned coping mechanism rooted in the past and habituated in the now.
“The aim is to get to a point where when guys play AOC’s role and get disrespected the way she did,” says Frandsen, “they are not triggered by an irrational fear of needing to be aggressive in order to reclaim something they think they will lose if they don’t act out.”
The very idea that someone outside of yourself might cause you to believe their opinion requires you to act with aggression, is a critical insight that harkens back to peer pressure or adopting the norms of others. It unmasks a fragile sense of self. In the final analysis, being a follower of bad leaders can often be tied to bad conduct.
“Beneath that are distorted ideas about morality and ethics,” Frandsen remarked. He said, “AOC invoked her mother and all mothers in the surrogate role of placeholder, which was brilliant, because when men visualize their mothers being disrespected by Yoho the way AOC was, it hits differently.”
The words we use reveal the way we view and value people and things. The aggression we display reveals the fear we carry of losing control over them. Victor Frankyl developed a theory rooted in human survival grounded in the autonomy of response—though we may not have power over what happens to and around us, we do possess dominion over our choice of response thereto. As well, we have the ability to empathize, view our conduct from the point of view of others and examine what lives beneath anger, aggression and violence: fear.
Self control requires hard examinations of bad conduct, unflattering beliefs and uncomfortable moments that often are adverse childhood experiences which became bad operating systems in need of repair. This work is far from perfect, but it is sincerely pushing into areas of renewal all men should lean into. When a man speaks aggressively towards a woman he is occupying the classic abuser role in the domestic violence cycle—he is displaying power-seeking behavior out in the open, while confessing fear.
It is a tell that tells on us all.
